Wow! I can't believe that it was only one month ago that we were landing at the SFO airport, dog tired, trying to hold things together for just a little bit longer. Towing 6 kids along, over thousands of miles, a couple of layovers, and 20 hours of flying, I had done really, really well. That is until the end. There was a one hour delay in Frankfurt that we knew would cause our trip to be one hour too long. Sure enough, we were right. The last hour was just bad. It started when one of our children waited until our lunch (the fourth lunch in the same day) came that she told me she had to go pee. I had just asked her minutes before. When we were in the bathroom, one of our other daughters spilt my and her food. It was pasta. With marinara. All over my seat and the ground. I covered it up with one of the free blankets and just figured that the airline was stupid to feed a child red pasta while flying. By the time that we landed, I think that 3 of our children were crying. Full blown crying. Some jerk and his family cut in front of us in immigration, making us the very last ones there. Yosef had a BAD poopy diaper, yet we can't just bypass immigration. It took 45 minutes for the officials to process all of our paperwork, while the kids tried to sit quietly on the floor. By the time we got to our baggage, all 10 of our bags were sitting on the side of the conveyer belt together and were the only bags in site. The place was very empty. We all had to go to the bathroom by this point. (Remember the diaper and the red pasta incident.) While the kids were going to the bathroom, Heather was somehow able to help all of them change and brush their teeth, to try to get rid of that "we've been traveling for a day and a half" kind of smell. I put all of our bags on 2 carts, it was like I was constructing the great pyramids. It was a thing of beauty, perfectly balanced, with all of our kids carry-ons, tied to the sides. Two carts, one for me, and one for Heather, to eliminate the kids fighting over who gets to crash it into people. We were all trying to put on our happy faces, trying to hide the fact that we were tired, grumpy, hungry and ready to be home. It was at this point that the customs officer directed us the the conveyer belt for ALL of our bags to be X-rayed. Now, I have never had to X-ray my bags on my way home, they just ask a few questions and sent you right around the machines, out to freedom. I just looked at him, as we were the only ones around. I stared blankly at him and said, "Really! Really! You are going to make me disassemble all of these bags and put them through that stupid machine with all of my kids here?" Well, yes he was. Twenty minutes later, knowing that our family might not even be waiting outside anymore, I quickly reconstructed my luggage pyramid. I moved 5 feet and then it all came crashing to the ground! It was at this point that I lost it. I am not proud of the way that I acted and I am not proud of the attitude that developed at this point.
I tell this story, for a couple of reasons. One, because now that it is over I can laugh at it. Two, because there have been many instances like this one over the last month that I am just not proud of.
I know that God is using these difficult times to work on me. To draw me closer to Him. It is in these times that I have to fully rely on God. I have to give Him my problems, and stress and let Him work through me. I don't have enough patience for our kids right now. But, God does. He gives it to me. I don't have enough grace for our kids right now. But, God does. He gives that to me as well. I have repeatedly failed, miserably at times. However, God continues to give me the energy and the patience and the love that I need for all of our children. It is right when I really need it that He reminds me of the past that our kids have had. The past that I would not ever wish for anyone. The past that involves losing their parents and having to be adopted. Getting taken away from their own country, culture, language, foods and getting plopped into the overly abundant material world of the silicon valley. I remember why Christ led us to them in the first place.
This month has had many ups and downs. Many tantrums, by all of the kids. Many laughs and giggles and excitement from them as well. We are all adjusting to our new normal. It feels normal now having 6 kids. When one or two kids are napping or outside, it feels too easy. We are learning more and more about our 3 new kids. They are getting more and more used to us. Yosef, is probably the hardest one that is going to attach to us and is a few months behind in the process than his sisters. Attachment is a process. It takes time. It is difficult, very difficult at times. It takes a conscious decision to choose love. The kind of love that only comes from the Holy Spirit. It doesn't come from within me. I know. There have been too many times that it is just not there.
How would I sum up this month. Progress. We are making progress, trying to do the best that we can. We are giving everything that we've got right now. Each night, after the kids are in bed (early) we crash. We wind down so that we can do it all again tomorrow. I wouldn't ask for anything else. I love our new normal. I love our new family of 8. I love seeing how Christ is working in us.
