Trauma of a toddler

Many days will go by now when we hardly remember that three of our kids spent almost a year in an orphanage.  It is not something that we dwell on, even though the effects of it will rear their ugly heads every now and then.

Sundays are always hard for us.  Very hard.  It is not easy getting everyone out the door by 8:15 am so that we can get to church.  It is even harder when often I, Adam, don't get off work until 8am some Sundays.  We are often gone all day, doing church activities and thus have a need to bring at least breakfast for the road, a picnic lunch and sometimes sandwiches for dinner as well, causing hours of preparation.  I won't even get into the shower and hair situation that develops every Sunday morning with 5 girls:)

Yosef has a very hard time going into the toddler class.  We knew that he would, and that he would spend many Sundays hanging out with us.  So this last Sunday I was walking the hallways with him for 45 minutes just hanging out.  He was carrying around his baby doll.  (Yes a baby doll, remember all those sisters?) He actually uses it as a chew toy.  He was following me wherever I went, giving high-fives to those that passed by.  He was peaceful, happy and content.

I asked him if he was ready to go to his class.  He said, "yes."  So we walked back down the halls to his class.  We got to the door and I asked him if he wanted to go in and play, and again he said, "yes."

It was as I opened the door and he entered the room that things instantly changed for him.

That baby doll that he had been holding close to his chest, became a weapon.  He used it to swing around as far as he could reach.  He wasn't trying to hit anyone in particular but definitely was creating a space for himself.  If any other kid wanted to come close to him they would get into "his" space and thus get hit by the doll.  It was an instinctive protection that he has developed.  It was something that I saw many children do over and over again in the orphanage.  It was hard to watch, as I remember watching him do the same thing back in Addis.  He didn't want to play with anyone, he wanted to be left alone.  However, he plays well with many other kids including his 3 year old sister all the time without exhibiting the same behavior.  As he played in the room, with me sitting right there, there was a fear in his eyes.  You could see it.  I am not sure that I will take him back into the room.

 

To him, the room is an orphanage.
To everyone else, the room is a fun, brightly painted toddler room with lots of toys for kids to play with.
He sees many kids running around with a couple of nannies there to help, and a need to protect himself.
Everyone else sees a good ratio of caring staff taking great care of all the kids while the parents are in church.
To Yosef, it is chaos.  It is a reminder of his orphaned childhood.  It is where people pick you up to change your diaper, and feed you but otherwise leave you to fend for yourself.

It is better not to continually dwell on the past, but sometimes it is a good reminder of the trauma that he has endured as we try to lovingly raise him.

Making Progress

It is crazy that we have been home for over three months now.  The time is flying and just doesn't seem to slow down.  This last month has been full of kids birthday's.  Eyerus turned 12, Mahlet turned 8 and Capri turned 3.
The kids are all doing really well, considering they have only been apart of our family for a few months now.  We are progressing like we would have expected.  Their English skills are improving daily.  Mahlet has almost forgotten all of her Amharic.  We hosted a friend for dinner a week ago from Addis Ababa and he was trying to converse with her, but she couldn't remember many words.  I would like them to be able to retain Amharic, but with her inability to read and write it, and her refusal to try and speak it to Eyerus, she is losing it quick.  Eyerusalem had learned how to read and write it so we have her reading her Bible in Amharic with the hopes that she will be able to retain it.
We have had a few challenging days lately that reminded us of the hardships that our kids have endured and that there is still a lot of adjusting and healing that needs to take place.  However, the hard days are becoming less and less frequent and good days are taking their places.  It has been an adjustment for all of us as we learn to be a family together.  I have spend some time this morning looking back on some home videos from ET and reminiscing our time there.  One of the things that is glaringly different now compared to only a few months ago is the posture and attitudes that our kids have.  They now stand tall, are proud, and have smiles plastered across their faces (most of the time.)
It is so awesome to see the change in their lives right before us.
Both Eyerus and Mahlet have now learned how to swim and going to be like fishes before the summer is over.
God is good.  He continues to provide for us. 
It was awesome to meet with our friend from Addis last week.  Heather and I continue to miss ET and our friends there.  I hope that some day we can get back.  The pastor from the church we were apart of in Addis posted some pictures recently of hundreds of street kids being fed, inside the little property of the church.  It was awesome to see the church going strong, and ministering to the people there.  I miss being able to worship with our brothers and sisters in another language.  It is an experience that everyone should have at some point.