When we first thought about bringing three new kids into our home, I tried to "prepare" myself. I prayed (A LOT:), read books, talked to parents of preteens, went shopping, practiced (very little of:) the language, took adoption classes geared towards adopting older kids, and read blogs of other families who had also adopted older children. But you know what? I was completely UNprepared!!!
When we stepped off that airplane, and landed back onto American soil, I was TERRIFIED. You see, I had lived in Ethiopia with my six kids for FOUR months! During those four months I had some hard days. But I also had live in help! I had staff on hand 24 hours a day who could speak to my (new) kids if there was ever a language break down, or simply to knock some sense into them:)!
Most people say it takes a good six months to a year to really feel like things are "normal". Each of my kids are getting there at different times. Mahlet had the roughest start, but since getting over that initial (horrible:) first couple of months, she has been "normal". Like, in a good way. The kind of normal where I constantly feel like I have memories of doing something with her, but I haven't. I guess that is what people mean when they say "it's like she's always been here". That's how it feels with Mahlet. She is spunky, smart, funny, and her cute little accent makes me smile.
Yosef was a little harder. He joined the family a few months later than his sisters, and he was clingy and scared for the first three months we had him. I carried him around most days, and he cried whenever I wasn't in his line of site. Whenever Adam walked into the room, he cried, clung to me, or left the room. He was terrified of Adam. He had never had a man in his life, EVER, much less a dad! Life with Yosef is getting easier. He gets SO excited when I come home from the store. I love listening to him say "MOMMY!!!!!!" as he comes running to me giggling.
Eyerusalem was even harder:). She was perfect the first month. Everything that came out of her mouth was polite. She never talked back, and she was always helpful. Then the "honeymoon" as they call it, wore off:). She is your typical preteen, fully equipped with mood swings, hormones, and an attitude! We have proof that it doesn't matter what language you speak, or what culture you are from, every preteen knows how to roll their eyes and say "WHATEVER!" when they are unhappy. Falling in love with a hormonal preteen has been the most challenging thing I have ever done. There have been days when I have wondered why God called me to this. Wondered if I wasn't doing a good enough job. But then, something happened. I can't explain what exactly. But then this week, Eyerusalem and I bonded over a pair of slippers. She loves to crochet. She is really good at having an idea in her head, and creating that idea with her hands. I am definitely not a crocheter, and I don't even feel like I am a visionary like she is. Somehow though, together, we managed to help her figure out how to make a pair of slippers. Sure, she made plenty of mistakes along the way. She got frustrated and wanted to give up. But then I would give her a new idea, and she would get inspired all over again to finish the job. And she did! She made herself a pair of slippers! She was so excited, and she thought I was the one who told her how to do it! The funny thing is though, she is the one that did it. All I did was talk her through it.
So, I guess I am learning what my role to a preteen is. I am not supposed to do it for her, or even tell her what to do. I am just supposed to guide her, and help her learn how to make her own decisions. Sure, she'll make mistakes along the way, but that's all part of growing up. I think the change in my heart, is that I WANT to be there for her when she makes those mistakes, to be that someone she can come to and talk it through. I finally feel like my life is starting to find normal with all SIX of my kids:)!
