Family

Yesterday was the first time that Mahlet told Heather, “I love you,” without Heather first initiating it.  Sure, she has repeated it at bedtime and such, but it was the first self-initiated time.  It brought a smile to both of us. 

I have been sitting around for the last couple of weeks letting my ankle heal and I have had lots of time to just sit and watch.  I normally am so busy that I don’t have time to just sit and process things.  The questions that have been streaming through my head have not been easy though.

Would Yosef have made it to his 5^th birthday?

What about Mahlet’s deep hurts?  Would she have any childhood left?

How much longer would Eyerusalem be able to last without her innocence being stolen?  (God thank you for protecting her.)

What about London?  What would her life have been like growing up in the foster care system here in America, lasting in one house for a few months at a time? 

How far have our kids come? 

What was their life like?  I know that they came from a very poor area, (I have been there.)  

Normally, I don’t think of our kids as orphans, or ex-orphans.  They are just our kids. I don’t like to go back to the memories of them as orphans.  It is too hard to do.  This week though, God has been showing me something.  (I am not quite sure what it is but I know that he has been putting something on my heart.) 

God has graciously placed them in our family.  They have comfort in knowing that they have a mom and dad who are at home who love them unconditionally.  They take comfort in knowing that they have siblings to play with.  I am watching them grow up well fed, loved and cared for. 

This week was the first time that I have seen Mahlet play make-believe.  She has never done this before.   She has had no idea how.  She asked for Barbie’s for her birthday a few months ago, but then afterward she wondered why she got them because she didn’t really know how to play with them.  She has never had time for make believe before.  When we were staying in ET, I thought that Eyerusalem and Mahlet would be easily entertained with the long days and I was completely wrong.  London, Geneva and Capri, all knew how to play make believe and entertain themselves for hours playing house, or tea party or flying paper kites.  Mahlet had no idea how to just play. 

Now, I listen to her playing Barbie’s with her sisters, “Okay, I get to be the mom now.  It is okay baby, I love you so much.”  These words mean a lot.  She now remembers what a mother is supposed to be like and she now knows how to love again. 

God, thank you for demonstrating to us what a family is.  Thank you for being our Heavenly Father who cares for the orphans.  You place them in families.  It is by your grace that you have blessed us with our children.  Lord, embolden your church, your people, to provide and care for the millions of orphans that remain.  You are the Father to the fatherless and you bring justice to the orphan.  

Two men, Two continents, One Vision

Thirty two years ago a man was born into a middle class neighborhood in the middle of a suburban city in California.  His parents, both Christians would take him to church weekly.  His dad was a drummer at their church and his mother made sure that we were apart of everything going on at church.  His dad had a solid job and though money wasn't always overflowing, the family never went hungry, and had clothes on our backs.  His mother was able to stay at home and take care of the household.  The family was able to fit into the neighborhood, attending local, public schools as he grew older.  He was able to participate in sports activities freely. This man was able to live a comfortable life growing up.  Sure there were the normal ups and downs but nothing overwhelming.  He was able to get a solid job after going to college for a few years, find a beautiful wife, have numerous children and now has a career as a Fire Captain.

Yes, I am that man.  Born into blessings.  Given the world at my fingertips.

The same year, across the width of this wide world another man was born.  He into vastly different circumstances.  Born into an Orthodox monastery to two blind parents.  His father a monk in the monastery.  His mother being the good Ethiopian woman, taking care of the house and the family.  This man had no public school to go to but did attend a school in the monastery learning about his religion.  It was during this time as a youth, he taught himself how to read, write and speak English using a dictionary.  He grew up in poverty.  It was at the age of 18 that he decided to follow Jesus Christ.  He was then beaten, thrown into a prison where food and water were withheld from him for 3 days.  It was during this time that he was rejoicing in the Lord Jesus.  Tied to the top of a bus, so as to prevent the evil spirits from the inside, he was sent to Addis Ababa.  He entered the capitol city of Ethiopia and was ridiculed as a country boy. Wearing his sheep skin shirt he was send to live in the leper colony, right next to the city dump.  Where the unwanted go.  Daily, he would scavenge the dump for food and items to sell so that he could have money to put himself through high school.  The leper colony, known as Korah was where he established his first church of Jesus followers.  He now has a job as a translator for a guest house.  His name is Bisrat.

Who would ever think that our paths would cross on multiple occasions.  He met us and comforted our anxiety as we went from one guest home to a place unknown, late at night, across the big city of Addis with out 3 kids.  He led us to the church that we were apart of in Korah during our time in Ethiopia, where we were blessed immeasurably.  We were just able to host him as he travels throughout the US.  What an honor it was.  In his words, "Can you believe that a man from the dumps of Addis, is standing on the Golden Gate Bridge right now?  It is amazing.  Simply amazing."

Somehow is God's sovereign grace, He allowed our friend to come to California and stay with us for a few days.  During this time, he was able to help us show our daughter who Jesus Christ is and decide to follow him.  I know that God has ordained the times that we have met.

What if the roles had been changed?  What if it was I who had been born into a monastery, into poverty?  What if he had been born into the wealthiness of America?  Somehow, in God's grace he put each of us into the position that we are in for a reason.  I don't know why.  However, I do now that God has blessed us so that we can in turn bless others.  Everything is His.  Everything.  Whether we have a lot or a little, it doesn't matter.  It is all His.

During his three days here, just about every conversation was centered around Jesus.  It was so refreshing.    We both shared our dreams and visions with each other.  They are the same.  May God be glorified in all that we do, and to see the name of God proclaimed amongst all people groups.

It was difficult to say goodbye but I rest assured knowing that there will be a day when we meet again, whether in this life, or when we are bowing before the Creator of the universe giving Him our praise.

Adopted by the KING!!!

.IDOLS. 

.WITCHCRAFT.

.CHARMS.

These words bring up many images in our heads.  However, for our daughter Eyerusalem they bring up different ones.  Eyerusalem was brought up as an Ethiopian Orthodox.  Ethiopian Orthodox believe that the saints or the virgin Mary hold a special place between themselves and Jesus.  They believe that they need a mediator to Jesus and that they must still work out their salvation through rituals, kissing pictures and fasting. 

The line between Ethiopian Orthodox and Christianity in Ethiopia is hard to distinguish at times.  I have asked time and time again for an explanation into the differences between the religions.  After months in Ethiopia I still felt very vague about how to explain the difference to our new daughter.  To her, she was a Christian.  Yet, something had a grip on her and she was missing it.  She continued to worship pictures.  Even though the differences seemed vague at times I also knew that those who change from Orthodox to Christianity can be severely persecuted for it. 

We have a friend staying with us for a few days from Addis Ababa who used to be Orthodox and now is a Christian, a follower of Jesus.  He has really been able to explain the differences to us and how vastly different they are.  Today, we had him give his testimony to our family during school.  We then asked our kids if they had any questions.  That is when things changed.  Eyerusalem started to ask questions, (and those of you that know her, know that she can ask questions:)  She finally was seeing the difference, seeing the truth.  She was seeing the explanations from her past as lies now.  

She told us that last night while lying in bed, by herself, she decided that she was going to turn from Orthodox and follow Jesus.   We asked her why last night.  She replied that we had been going through a book on peoples of the world in school that day and we briefly talked about witches, charms, idols, etc.  It wasn’t even a two-minute conversation but that didn’t matter.  (This is a major plus in homeschooling our kids:)  Lying in bed she realized that she had idols, she realized that she had charms, and she realized the witchcraft that had been a part of the religion. 

She wanted the truth. 

She knows that Jesus is the Truth.  She knows that He and only He can stand between herself as an imperfect sinner before a Holy and Righteous God. 

What an amazing time for her and our family to talk through these things and clearly see how the Spirit of God has been working in her. 

So we asked her what to do with her idols?  Burn them was the answer.  So with a big bonfire and some fanfare we burned her idols.  (I can’t even believe that I am typing this, it is so incredible.)  As she threw them in the fire she was reciting that Jesus is the way, the ONLY way. 

We discussed many different passages and decided that she needed to be baptized to confirm the decision and make a bold statement that she is going to follow Christ as her Savior now. 

 

With a couple of hours to prepare, we invited our family, and senior pastor to come to our house and join us for a baptism tonight.  We threw a celebration because it is worthy of celebrating!  I am honored that I was able to get into the water with my new daughter and baptize her.  What a blessing.  Having our friend stay at our house this week has been another incredible blessing that we are ever grateful for. 

Praise God, as Eyerusalem’s journey of adoption has now been completed through her adopted status as a daughter of the KING.  

Finding Normal in a Pair of Slippers

When we first thought about bringing three new kids into our home, I tried to "prepare" myself.  I prayed (A LOT:), read books, talked to parents of preteens, went shopping, practiced (very little of:) the language, took adoption classes geared towards adopting older kids, and read blogs of other families who had also adopted older children.  But you know what?  I was completely UNprepared!!!
When we stepped off that airplane, and landed back onto American soil, I was TERRIFIED.  You see, I had lived in Ethiopia with my six kids for FOUR months!  During those four months I had some hard days.  But I also had live in help!  I had staff on hand 24 hours a day who could speak to my (new) kids if there was ever a language break down, or simply to knock some sense into them:)!
Most people say it takes a good six months to a year to really feel like things are "normal".  Each of my kids are getting there at different times.  Mahlet had the roughest start, but since getting over that initial (horrible:) first couple of months, she has been "normal".  Like, in a good way.  The kind of normal where I constantly feel like I have memories of doing something with her, but I haven't.  I guess that is what people mean when they say "it's like she's always been here".  That's how it feels with Mahlet.  She is spunky, smart, funny, and her cute little accent makes me smile.
Yosef was a little harder.  He joined the family a few months later than his sisters, and he was clingy and scared for the first three months we had him.  I carried him around most days, and he cried whenever I wasn't in his line of site.  Whenever Adam walked into the room, he cried, clung to me, or left the room.  He was terrified of Adam.  He had never had a man in his life, EVER, much less a dad!  Life with Yosef is getting easier.  He gets SO excited when I come home from the store.  I love listening to him say "MOMMY!!!!!!" as he comes running to me giggling.
Eyerusalem was even harder:).  She was perfect the first month.  Everything that came out of her mouth was polite.  She never talked back, and she was always helpful.  Then the "honeymoon" as they call it, wore off:).  She is your typical preteen, fully equipped with mood swings, hormones, and an attitude!  We have proof that it doesn't matter what language you speak, or what culture you are from, every preteen knows how to roll their eyes and say "WHATEVER!" when they are unhappy.  Falling in love with a hormonal preteen has been the most challenging thing I have ever done.  There have been days when I have wondered why God called me to this.  Wondered if I wasn't doing a good enough job.  But then, something happened.  I can't explain what exactly.  But then this week, Eyerusalem and I bonded over a pair of slippers.  She loves to crochet.  She is really good at having an idea in her head, and creating that idea with her hands.  I am definitely not a crocheter, and I don't even feel like I am a visionary like she is.  Somehow though, together, we managed to help her figure out how to make a pair of slippers.  Sure, she made plenty of mistakes along the way.  She got frustrated and wanted to give up.  But then I would give her a new idea, and she would get inspired all over again to finish the job.  And she did!  She made herself a pair of slippers!  She was so excited, and she thought I was the one who told her how to do it!  The funny thing is though, she is the one that did it.  All I did was talk her through it.
So, I guess I am learning what my role to a preteen is.  I am not supposed to do it for her, or even tell her what to do.  I am just supposed to guide her, and help her learn how to make her own decisions.  Sure, she'll make mistakes along the way, but that's all part of growing up.  I think the change in my heart, is that I WANT to be there for her when she makes those mistakes, to be that someone she can come to and talk it through.  I finally feel like my life is starting to find normal with all SIX of my kids:)!

Trauma of a toddler

Many days will go by now when we hardly remember that three of our kids spent almost a year in an orphanage.  It is not something that we dwell on, even though the effects of it will rear their ugly heads every now and then.

Sundays are always hard for us.  Very hard.  It is not easy getting everyone out the door by 8:15 am so that we can get to church.  It is even harder when often I, Adam, don't get off work until 8am some Sundays.  We are often gone all day, doing church activities and thus have a need to bring at least breakfast for the road, a picnic lunch and sometimes sandwiches for dinner as well, causing hours of preparation.  I won't even get into the shower and hair situation that develops every Sunday morning with 5 girls:)

Yosef has a very hard time going into the toddler class.  We knew that he would, and that he would spend many Sundays hanging out with us.  So this last Sunday I was walking the hallways with him for 45 minutes just hanging out.  He was carrying around his baby doll.  (Yes a baby doll, remember all those sisters?) He actually uses it as a chew toy.  He was following me wherever I went, giving high-fives to those that passed by.  He was peaceful, happy and content.

I asked him if he was ready to go to his class.  He said, "yes."  So we walked back down the halls to his class.  We got to the door and I asked him if he wanted to go in and play, and again he said, "yes."

It was as I opened the door and he entered the room that things instantly changed for him.

That baby doll that he had been holding close to his chest, became a weapon.  He used it to swing around as far as he could reach.  He wasn't trying to hit anyone in particular but definitely was creating a space for himself.  If any other kid wanted to come close to him they would get into "his" space and thus get hit by the doll.  It was an instinctive protection that he has developed.  It was something that I saw many children do over and over again in the orphanage.  It was hard to watch, as I remember watching him do the same thing back in Addis.  He didn't want to play with anyone, he wanted to be left alone.  However, he plays well with many other kids including his 3 year old sister all the time without exhibiting the same behavior.  As he played in the room, with me sitting right there, there was a fear in his eyes.  You could see it.  I am not sure that I will take him back into the room.

 

To him, the room is an orphanage.
To everyone else, the room is a fun, brightly painted toddler room with lots of toys for kids to play with.
He sees many kids running around with a couple of nannies there to help, and a need to protect himself.
Everyone else sees a good ratio of caring staff taking great care of all the kids while the parents are in church.
To Yosef, it is chaos.  It is a reminder of his orphaned childhood.  It is where people pick you up to change your diaper, and feed you but otherwise leave you to fend for yourself.

It is better not to continually dwell on the past, but sometimes it is a good reminder of the trauma that he has endured as we try to lovingly raise him.

Making Progress

It is crazy that we have been home for over three months now.  The time is flying and just doesn't seem to slow down.  This last month has been full of kids birthday's.  Eyerus turned 12, Mahlet turned 8 and Capri turned 3.
The kids are all doing really well, considering they have only been apart of our family for a few months now.  We are progressing like we would have expected.  Their English skills are improving daily.  Mahlet has almost forgotten all of her Amharic.  We hosted a friend for dinner a week ago from Addis Ababa and he was trying to converse with her, but she couldn't remember many words.  I would like them to be able to retain Amharic, but with her inability to read and write it, and her refusal to try and speak it to Eyerus, she is losing it quick.  Eyerusalem had learned how to read and write it so we have her reading her Bible in Amharic with the hopes that she will be able to retain it.
We have had a few challenging days lately that reminded us of the hardships that our kids have endured and that there is still a lot of adjusting and healing that needs to take place.  However, the hard days are becoming less and less frequent and good days are taking their places.  It has been an adjustment for all of us as we learn to be a family together.  I have spend some time this morning looking back on some home videos from ET and reminiscing our time there.  One of the things that is glaringly different now compared to only a few months ago is the posture and attitudes that our kids have.  They now stand tall, are proud, and have smiles plastered across their faces (most of the time.)
It is so awesome to see the change in their lives right before us.
Both Eyerus and Mahlet have now learned how to swim and going to be like fishes before the summer is over.
God is good.  He continues to provide for us. 
It was awesome to meet with our friend from Addis last week.  Heather and I continue to miss ET and our friends there.  I hope that some day we can get back.  The pastor from the church we were apart of in Addis posted some pictures recently of hundreds of street kids being fed, inside the little property of the church.  It was awesome to see the church going strong, and ministering to the people there.  I miss being able to worship with our brothers and sisters in another language.  It is an experience that everyone should have at some point.

2 months now! What?

I can't believe that we have been home for over two months now.  I have been meaning to write this post a few weeks ago, but have simply not found the time.  Life is busy now (that is an understatement.)  Here is an update on how things are going.
Tonight, Heather is out for a much needed girls night.  So, I Adam had the kids since this afternoon.  It went really well. It is not the first time, but by far the easiest.  The difference was Yosef.
A couple of hours ago, I gave him a bottle, put on his pajamas and laid him in bed.  Awake.  With Capri in the same room.  Awake.  About 20 minutes later, both were sound asleep.  If you don't grasp how awesome that feat is then you must re-read it:)  No really.  This is Yosef coming so far along.  For the first month and a half he had to be strapped to Heather's back, walked around while she cleaned for about an hour to two hours.  Then, sometimes, hours after the other kids were asleep, he might fall asleep still strapped to her back.  I would not ever really be able to do it.  If we put him in the crib to let him cry it out, (like our other 3 kids) a look of terror would come across his face and the screaming would start, keeping us from doing that.  He would be completely scared to death.  Scared that he was being left again.  Now, he is no longer as scared.  He starts to have a little whimper of a cry, just to check that we are still around, we tell him to go to sleep and then he quiets down again, confident that we are in the next room still.  Tonight, his momma is gone and it was I who gave him the confidence to be able to sleep.  He knows that momma is coming home, and he knows that I am his dad.  This too has not happened overnight.  For weeks, he really did not like me at all.  And to be fully open and transparent, I did not like him either.  I know, it is really awful to say and I realize that.  It is however, the ugly truth of adoption.  Adoption is not this blissful thing.  It is ugly, yet beautiful.  Before going to ET I wasn't sure how adoption could be ugly.  Now I know.  The ugliness comes from seeing the insides of my thoughts and attitudes.
When I come home from work now, Yosef is one of the first ones to run to the door to greet me, give me a hug and tell me that he loves me. :)  It is getting beautiful.
Mahlet is doing amazing.  She is progressing well in school.  She loves it and works hard at it.  She always has a smile on her face.  I love seeing a smile on a face of a child that months ago, could not ever muster up a smile.   She is a great helper around the house.  She does a lot of the cleaning and she is the one that hangs up most of our laundry now.  We can now laugh about the attitude that she gave us in the first month we had custody of her.  Yesterday, we asked her if she remembered how awful she was to us?  She did.  We tell her that she has gotten SO much better and is so much easier to have around.  She is fitting into the family like she has always been a part of it.
Eyerusalem is progressing as well.  School is going much better with her than it was in Ethiopia.  Most of the time she puts effort into it.  Her English skills are improving and she is learning tons.  She really has learned her role as sister to Yosef instead of Mom.  She is really doing well with that.  Yesterday, was the first day that Eyerus actually gave me a "real" hug.  I had to ask for it and initiate it, but it was the first time that she put her arms around me and showed me that she can hug.  Eyerus turns 12 tomorrow and with that makes her an official pre-teen bringing all the drama with it:)  I am not sure that I could ever really be ready for it.  For her birthday we got her a pet lamb about a week ago.  She is going to raise it for a pet and for wool so that she can knit with it.  She is super excited and is out working with the lamb and goats daily.  It is nice to have a good helper outside.  We tease Eyerus about the attitude that she had in Ethiopia as well and she laughs along with us.  She is going to try out for a part in the kids musical at church this week and we are excited that she and Mahlet gets to do this.
We are blessed by how well things are going.  We are super busy, and probably always will be.  Somethings just don't get done anymore.  God is Good.  Thanks for the continued prayers for our family.  Thanks for all of those that have come along side of us in this journey.