God, we are yours. Lead us.

We weren't looking.

We don't need any more craziness.

We don't have a clue what to do.

We can't do this without you, God.

This is not our plan.

We don't have the resources for this.

We don't know if we can handle this emotionally.

Why God?  Why now?  Why us?
These have been my conversations and prayers with God this last week.  His response has been so clear, almost audible.  "Because you love me.  Because you are willing.  Because I use people just like you to complete my plan of redemption for others."  To think that God can use us is incredibly humbling.

It was a week ago that Eyerusalem came into the kitchen holding a picture from her past.  She got it when we visited her home in Gerji, almost a year ago now.  She came in crying, and needing to get something off her chest that was so incredibly heavy and difficult to bear.  Something I can't imagine my 12 year old has had to hold in and not think about.   We don't blame her by any means.  We completely understand.

The picture she was holding is of herself at age 5, washing clothes with her mother, father and another little girl, age 3 in a river.  We had asked about the other girl before and we were told that she was a friend.  Now, Eyerusalem wanted to tell us the truth, and that she - is - her - sister.  It is not Mahlet, she was a baby at the time as they are 4 years apart.  As we held her, crying, we began to ask questions and over the course of a couple days we have been able to put together some pieces.

Her name is Meeta.  At about the age of 5 she was kidnapped by some men who knew her father (deceased at the time).  They then sold her to another party.  Her mother tried to search for her for a year, sacrificing food at times to pay for flyers.  We don't know what has happened to her since but about 2-3 years ago, Eyerusalem and her mother saw her one day in the market.   Before anything could be done, she had been whisked into a car and was off again.  So we have reason to believe that she is still alive and is still living in the general area in Addis.

We are heartbroken, for both Meeta and Eyerusalem for carrying this grief with her and living through this.  Mahlet remembers playing with Meeta but not much else.

We don't know what we are doing.  But we need answers.  We trust that God brought this information to us at just the right time for a reason.  We don't know if we will be able to find her or do anything on her behalf but we must try.  We must do all that we can for now.  Even if it is just to bring closure for Eyerusalem and now ourselves.

A co-worker of mine told me that we should just sit back and believe that Meeta is in a good family and is doing well.  We can't play ignorant, nor do we want to.  We have a hole in our hearts now that must be filled.  I was reminded of the parable of the good Samaritan the other day.  The priest and the Levite walked by the wounded man and then the Samaritan came.  He was a hated enemy.  He didn't pretend that he wasn't needed.  He didn't ignore the problem.  He also didn't stop by the man, pray for him, and then leave, promising to keep him in his prayers that maybe God would help him.  No, he took action.
The Bible is full of action takers.  Not people sitting on the sideline watching, praying, wanting to stay in the ignorant bliss, and hoping not to do anything that would cost them too much.

In God's plan for redemption, we are His tools to accomplish His mighty task.  We know that God is, "Father of the fatherless, and protector of widows is God in His holy habitation." Psalms 68:5

We know that He is fully in control.  We trust in Him and His mighty wisdom.  We look for him for direction because we don't know where to go.  We also trust in His comfort because I know that this road that He is asking us to travel down will be a bumpy very difficult road to take.  It will be full of challenges and heartbreak, and we don't even know if there will be anything waiting for us at the end.

We ask for your prayers and support for Meeta, for Eyerusalem and for us as we embark on another journey.  May God be glorified through all we do.  And mark my words, if we find Meeta it will be a true miracle.  If we have the joy of bringing her home one day, it will be another true miracle that can only come from the God of miracles.  

What a year 2012 was

We now step into 2013 and we look forward to what it will bring for our family.  However, as we continue to go forward it is healthy and good for us to look back at how far we have come.  

A year ago we were in Ethiopia fighting to gain custody of our children.  We took custody of our girls on Jan 4th and Yosef a few months later.  Last year, we spent Christmas as a family of five, overseas, visiting our kids for a couple of hours in the orphanage (transition home).  We skyped with family and celebrated a wonderful, different and exciting time.  Fast forward to this last week.  We watched in amazement as our three new children were engaged with their new sisters and other family.  We watched them open presents, and worship God at our Christmas eve service.  

Yesterday, we all shared some of our favorite 2012 memories.  Here are mine for each of them:

My beautiful and amazing wife-  It has been incredible to see her transform into the mother that she is.  Handling three kids was hard, but taking on six of them with their education is a lot to ask.  Heather has done this with grace and wisdom.  I am incredibly proud to have her as my wife and to walk this journey with her.  

Eyerusalem-  My proudest moment of the year with Eyerus came when I was able to baptize her.  Seeing her grow and learn has been nothing less than amazing.  She has come a long ways in the last 12 months.  

Mahlet-  Watching her transition from a very shy, scared, angry little girl into the girl that she is today has been watching a miracle from the inside.  What an incredible transformation we have witnessed.  

London-  I have been incredibly proud as I have watched her learn to read.  It is so fun to snuggle up on the couch with her and have her read a book.  She has also settled into the role of no longer being the oldest incredibly well.  She may not be the oldest, but she will always be the longest.  She is very proud of that.  

Geneva- My favorite memory of her came at the beginning of the year.  We went to visit one of our sponsor children and seeing her heart there was so great to watch.  She gave away a couple of her toys, including her Barbie.  Not just any Barbie, but the one that she had just received for Christmas, her favorite one.  She was telling me about it this week and she still remembered the Barbies name and that her hair changed colors.  She was still happy that she gave it away.  Geneva has an incredible heart for those less fortunate.  

Capri-  We have watched our little girl turn into a big sister this year.  She loves Yosef so much and is his big sister.  She does so well with him and they are best friends.  One of my favorite things of this last year has been seeing her learn how to dress herself, choose her own clothes and do her own hair.  She is probably the funniest girl in our house.  

Yosef-  My favorite time with him came a few months ago.  It was the simple act of running to me to give me a hug as I walked in the door after a 24 hour shift.  He started off this year in the orphanage for the first three and a half months.  He then would only let Heather carry him and wouldn't leave her sight.  He did not like me at all.  Seeing this transition of a bond forming between the two of us has been wonderful.  It has not always been easy, in fact it has been one of the hardest things I have ever done.  

2012 was a year of transformation.  The kind of transformation that can only come by the grace of God, through the Holy Spirit.  We have been incredibly blessed to be a part of it.  We have learned what adoption really means.  We have learned about our own failures over and over again.  We have also learned that even amidst our failures our children still love us and forgive us, but better than that, our God still loves us and forgives us.  

We are looking forward to 2013 as we walk together and continue to see transformation in all our lives, but hopefully with a little less drama and stress.  

Family

Yesterday was the first time that Mahlet told Heather, “I love you,” without Heather first initiating it.  Sure, she has repeated it at bedtime and such, but it was the first self-initiated time.  It brought a smile to both of us. 

I have been sitting around for the last couple of weeks letting my ankle heal and I have had lots of time to just sit and watch.  I normally am so busy that I don’t have time to just sit and process things.  The questions that have been streaming through my head have not been easy though.

Would Yosef have made it to his 5^th birthday?

What about Mahlet’s deep hurts?  Would she have any childhood left?

How much longer would Eyerusalem be able to last without her innocence being stolen?  (God thank you for protecting her.)

What about London?  What would her life have been like growing up in the foster care system here in America, lasting in one house for a few months at a time? 

How far have our kids come? 

What was their life like?  I know that they came from a very poor area, (I have been there.)  

Normally, I don’t think of our kids as orphans, or ex-orphans.  They are just our kids. I don’t like to go back to the memories of them as orphans.  It is too hard to do.  This week though, God has been showing me something.  (I am not quite sure what it is but I know that he has been putting something on my heart.) 

God has graciously placed them in our family.  They have comfort in knowing that they have a mom and dad who are at home who love them unconditionally.  They take comfort in knowing that they have siblings to play with.  I am watching them grow up well fed, loved and cared for. 

This week was the first time that I have seen Mahlet play make-believe.  She has never done this before.   She has had no idea how.  She asked for Barbie’s for her birthday a few months ago, but then afterward she wondered why she got them because she didn’t really know how to play with them.  She has never had time for make believe before.  When we were staying in ET, I thought that Eyerusalem and Mahlet would be easily entertained with the long days and I was completely wrong.  London, Geneva and Capri, all knew how to play make believe and entertain themselves for hours playing house, or tea party or flying paper kites.  Mahlet had no idea how to just play. 

Now, I listen to her playing Barbie’s with her sisters, “Okay, I get to be the mom now.  It is okay baby, I love you so much.”  These words mean a lot.  She now remembers what a mother is supposed to be like and she now knows how to love again. 

God, thank you for demonstrating to us what a family is.  Thank you for being our Heavenly Father who cares for the orphans.  You place them in families.  It is by your grace that you have blessed us with our children.  Lord, embolden your church, your people, to provide and care for the millions of orphans that remain.  You are the Father to the fatherless and you bring justice to the orphan.  

Two men, Two continents, One Vision

Thirty two years ago a man was born into a middle class neighborhood in the middle of a suburban city in California.  His parents, both Christians would take him to church weekly.  His dad was a drummer at their church and his mother made sure that we were apart of everything going on at church.  His dad had a solid job and though money wasn't always overflowing, the family never went hungry, and had clothes on our backs.  His mother was able to stay at home and take care of the household.  The family was able to fit into the neighborhood, attending local, public schools as he grew older.  He was able to participate in sports activities freely. This man was able to live a comfortable life growing up.  Sure there were the normal ups and downs but nothing overwhelming.  He was able to get a solid job after going to college for a few years, find a beautiful wife, have numerous children and now has a career as a Fire Captain.

Yes, I am that man.  Born into blessings.  Given the world at my fingertips.

The same year, across the width of this wide world another man was born.  He into vastly different circumstances.  Born into an Orthodox monastery to two blind parents.  His father a monk in the monastery.  His mother being the good Ethiopian woman, taking care of the house and the family.  This man had no public school to go to but did attend a school in the monastery learning about his religion.  It was during this time as a youth, he taught himself how to read, write and speak English using a dictionary.  He grew up in poverty.  It was at the age of 18 that he decided to follow Jesus Christ.  He was then beaten, thrown into a prison where food and water were withheld from him for 3 days.  It was during this time that he was rejoicing in the Lord Jesus.  Tied to the top of a bus, so as to prevent the evil spirits from the inside, he was sent to Addis Ababa.  He entered the capitol city of Ethiopia and was ridiculed as a country boy. Wearing his sheep skin shirt he was send to live in the leper colony, right next to the city dump.  Where the unwanted go.  Daily, he would scavenge the dump for food and items to sell so that he could have money to put himself through high school.  The leper colony, known as Korah was where he established his first church of Jesus followers.  He now has a job as a translator for a guest house.  His name is Bisrat.

Who would ever think that our paths would cross on multiple occasions.  He met us and comforted our anxiety as we went from one guest home to a place unknown, late at night, across the big city of Addis with out 3 kids.  He led us to the church that we were apart of in Korah during our time in Ethiopia, where we were blessed immeasurably.  We were just able to host him as he travels throughout the US.  What an honor it was.  In his words, "Can you believe that a man from the dumps of Addis, is standing on the Golden Gate Bridge right now?  It is amazing.  Simply amazing."

Somehow is God's sovereign grace, He allowed our friend to come to California and stay with us for a few days.  During this time, he was able to help us show our daughter who Jesus Christ is and decide to follow him.  I know that God has ordained the times that we have met.

What if the roles had been changed?  What if it was I who had been born into a monastery, into poverty?  What if he had been born into the wealthiness of America?  Somehow, in God's grace he put each of us into the position that we are in for a reason.  I don't know why.  However, I do now that God has blessed us so that we can in turn bless others.  Everything is His.  Everything.  Whether we have a lot or a little, it doesn't matter.  It is all His.

During his three days here, just about every conversation was centered around Jesus.  It was so refreshing.    We both shared our dreams and visions with each other.  They are the same.  May God be glorified in all that we do, and to see the name of God proclaimed amongst all people groups.

It was difficult to say goodbye but I rest assured knowing that there will be a day when we meet again, whether in this life, or when we are bowing before the Creator of the universe giving Him our praise.

Adopted by the KING!!!

.IDOLS. 

.WITCHCRAFT.

.CHARMS.

These words bring up many images in our heads.  However, for our daughter Eyerusalem they bring up different ones.  Eyerusalem was brought up as an Ethiopian Orthodox.  Ethiopian Orthodox believe that the saints or the virgin Mary hold a special place between themselves and Jesus.  They believe that they need a mediator to Jesus and that they must still work out their salvation through rituals, kissing pictures and fasting. 

The line between Ethiopian Orthodox and Christianity in Ethiopia is hard to distinguish at times.  I have asked time and time again for an explanation into the differences between the religions.  After months in Ethiopia I still felt very vague about how to explain the difference to our new daughter.  To her, she was a Christian.  Yet, something had a grip on her and she was missing it.  She continued to worship pictures.  Even though the differences seemed vague at times I also knew that those who change from Orthodox to Christianity can be severely persecuted for it. 

We have a friend staying with us for a few days from Addis Ababa who used to be Orthodox and now is a Christian, a follower of Jesus.  He has really been able to explain the differences to us and how vastly different they are.  Today, we had him give his testimony to our family during school.  We then asked our kids if they had any questions.  That is when things changed.  Eyerusalem started to ask questions, (and those of you that know her, know that she can ask questions:)  She finally was seeing the difference, seeing the truth.  She was seeing the explanations from her past as lies now.  

She told us that last night while lying in bed, by herself, she decided that she was going to turn from Orthodox and follow Jesus.   We asked her why last night.  She replied that we had been going through a book on peoples of the world in school that day and we briefly talked about witches, charms, idols, etc.  It wasn’t even a two-minute conversation but that didn’t matter.  (This is a major plus in homeschooling our kids:)  Lying in bed she realized that she had idols, she realized that she had charms, and she realized the witchcraft that had been a part of the religion. 

She wanted the truth. 

She knows that Jesus is the Truth.  She knows that He and only He can stand between herself as an imperfect sinner before a Holy and Righteous God. 

What an amazing time for her and our family to talk through these things and clearly see how the Spirit of God has been working in her. 

So we asked her what to do with her idols?  Burn them was the answer.  So with a big bonfire and some fanfare we burned her idols.  (I can’t even believe that I am typing this, it is so incredible.)  As she threw them in the fire she was reciting that Jesus is the way, the ONLY way. 

We discussed many different passages and decided that she needed to be baptized to confirm the decision and make a bold statement that she is going to follow Christ as her Savior now. 

 

With a couple of hours to prepare, we invited our family, and senior pastor to come to our house and join us for a baptism tonight.  We threw a celebration because it is worthy of celebrating!  I am honored that I was able to get into the water with my new daughter and baptize her.  What a blessing.  Having our friend stay at our house this week has been another incredible blessing that we are ever grateful for. 

Praise God, as Eyerusalem’s journey of adoption has now been completed through her adopted status as a daughter of the KING.  

Finding Normal in a Pair of Slippers

When we first thought about bringing three new kids into our home, I tried to "prepare" myself.  I prayed (A LOT:), read books, talked to parents of preteens, went shopping, practiced (very little of:) the language, took adoption classes geared towards adopting older kids, and read blogs of other families who had also adopted older children.  But you know what?  I was completely UNprepared!!!
When we stepped off that airplane, and landed back onto American soil, I was TERRIFIED.  You see, I had lived in Ethiopia with my six kids for FOUR months!  During those four months I had some hard days.  But I also had live in help!  I had staff on hand 24 hours a day who could speak to my (new) kids if there was ever a language break down, or simply to knock some sense into them:)!
Most people say it takes a good six months to a year to really feel like things are "normal".  Each of my kids are getting there at different times.  Mahlet had the roughest start, but since getting over that initial (horrible:) first couple of months, she has been "normal".  Like, in a good way.  The kind of normal where I constantly feel like I have memories of doing something with her, but I haven't.  I guess that is what people mean when they say "it's like she's always been here".  That's how it feels with Mahlet.  She is spunky, smart, funny, and her cute little accent makes me smile.
Yosef was a little harder.  He joined the family a few months later than his sisters, and he was clingy and scared for the first three months we had him.  I carried him around most days, and he cried whenever I wasn't in his line of site.  Whenever Adam walked into the room, he cried, clung to me, or left the room.  He was terrified of Adam.  He had never had a man in his life, EVER, much less a dad!  Life with Yosef is getting easier.  He gets SO excited when I come home from the store.  I love listening to him say "MOMMY!!!!!!" as he comes running to me giggling.
Eyerusalem was even harder:).  She was perfect the first month.  Everything that came out of her mouth was polite.  She never talked back, and she was always helpful.  Then the "honeymoon" as they call it, wore off:).  She is your typical preteen, fully equipped with mood swings, hormones, and an attitude!  We have proof that it doesn't matter what language you speak, or what culture you are from, every preteen knows how to roll their eyes and say "WHATEVER!" when they are unhappy.  Falling in love with a hormonal preteen has been the most challenging thing I have ever done.  There have been days when I have wondered why God called me to this.  Wondered if I wasn't doing a good enough job.  But then, something happened.  I can't explain what exactly.  But then this week, Eyerusalem and I bonded over a pair of slippers.  She loves to crochet.  She is really good at having an idea in her head, and creating that idea with her hands.  I am definitely not a crocheter, and I don't even feel like I am a visionary like she is.  Somehow though, together, we managed to help her figure out how to make a pair of slippers.  Sure, she made plenty of mistakes along the way.  She got frustrated and wanted to give up.  But then I would give her a new idea, and she would get inspired all over again to finish the job.  And she did!  She made herself a pair of slippers!  She was so excited, and she thought I was the one who told her how to do it!  The funny thing is though, she is the one that did it.  All I did was talk her through it.
So, I guess I am learning what my role to a preteen is.  I am not supposed to do it for her, or even tell her what to do.  I am just supposed to guide her, and help her learn how to make her own decisions.  Sure, she'll make mistakes along the way, but that's all part of growing up.  I think the change in my heart, is that I WANT to be there for her when she makes those mistakes, to be that someone she can come to and talk it through.  I finally feel like my life is starting to find normal with all SIX of my kids:)!

Trauma of a toddler

Many days will go by now when we hardly remember that three of our kids spent almost a year in an orphanage.  It is not something that we dwell on, even though the effects of it will rear their ugly heads every now and then.

Sundays are always hard for us.  Very hard.  It is not easy getting everyone out the door by 8:15 am so that we can get to church.  It is even harder when often I, Adam, don't get off work until 8am some Sundays.  We are often gone all day, doing church activities and thus have a need to bring at least breakfast for the road, a picnic lunch and sometimes sandwiches for dinner as well, causing hours of preparation.  I won't even get into the shower and hair situation that develops every Sunday morning with 5 girls:)

Yosef has a very hard time going into the toddler class.  We knew that he would, and that he would spend many Sundays hanging out with us.  So this last Sunday I was walking the hallways with him for 45 minutes just hanging out.  He was carrying around his baby doll.  (Yes a baby doll, remember all those sisters?) He actually uses it as a chew toy.  He was following me wherever I went, giving high-fives to those that passed by.  He was peaceful, happy and content.

I asked him if he was ready to go to his class.  He said, "yes."  So we walked back down the halls to his class.  We got to the door and I asked him if he wanted to go in and play, and again he said, "yes."

It was as I opened the door and he entered the room that things instantly changed for him.

That baby doll that he had been holding close to his chest, became a weapon.  He used it to swing around as far as he could reach.  He wasn't trying to hit anyone in particular but definitely was creating a space for himself.  If any other kid wanted to come close to him they would get into "his" space and thus get hit by the doll.  It was an instinctive protection that he has developed.  It was something that I saw many children do over and over again in the orphanage.  It was hard to watch, as I remember watching him do the same thing back in Addis.  He didn't want to play with anyone, he wanted to be left alone.  However, he plays well with many other kids including his 3 year old sister all the time without exhibiting the same behavior.  As he played in the room, with me sitting right there, there was a fear in his eyes.  You could see it.  I am not sure that I will take him back into the room.

 

To him, the room is an orphanage.
To everyone else, the room is a fun, brightly painted toddler room with lots of toys for kids to play with.
He sees many kids running around with a couple of nannies there to help, and a need to protect himself.
Everyone else sees a good ratio of caring staff taking great care of all the kids while the parents are in church.
To Yosef, it is chaos.  It is a reminder of his orphaned childhood.  It is where people pick you up to change your diaper, and feed you but otherwise leave you to fend for yourself.

It is better not to continually dwell on the past, but sometimes it is a good reminder of the trauma that he has endured as we try to lovingly raise him.