When we first thought about bringing three new kids into our home, I tried to "prepare" myself. I prayed (A LOT:), read books, talked to parents of preteens, went shopping, practiced (very little of:) the language, took adoption classes geared towards adopting older kids, and read blogs of other families who had also adopted older children. But you know what? I was completely UNprepared!!!
When we stepped off that airplane, and landed back onto American soil, I was TERRIFIED. You see, I had lived in Ethiopia with my six kids for FOUR months! During those four months I had some hard days. But I also had live in help! I had staff on hand 24 hours a day who could speak to my (new) kids if there was ever a language break down, or simply to knock some sense into them:)!
Most people say it takes a good six months to a year to really feel like things are "normal". Each of my kids are getting there at different times. Mahlet had the roughest start, but since getting over that initial (horrible:) first couple of months, she has been "normal". Like, in a good way. The kind of normal where I constantly feel like I have memories of doing something with her, but I haven't. I guess that is what people mean when they say "it's like she's always been here". That's how it feels with Mahlet. She is spunky, smart, funny, and her cute little accent makes me smile.
Yosef was a little harder. He joined the family a few months later than his sisters, and he was clingy and scared for the first three months we had him. I carried him around most days, and he cried whenever I wasn't in his line of site. Whenever Adam walked into the room, he cried, clung to me, or left the room. He was terrified of Adam. He had never had a man in his life, EVER, much less a dad! Life with Yosef is getting easier. He gets SO excited when I come home from the store. I love listening to him say "MOMMY!!!!!!" as he comes running to me giggling.
Eyerusalem was even harder:). She was perfect the first month. Everything that came out of her mouth was polite. She never talked back, and she was always helpful. Then the "honeymoon" as they call it, wore off:). She is your typical preteen, fully equipped with mood swings, hormones, and an attitude! We have proof that it doesn't matter what language you speak, or what culture you are from, every preteen knows how to roll their eyes and say "WHATEVER!" when they are unhappy. Falling in love with a hormonal preteen has been the most challenging thing I have ever done. There have been days when I have wondered why God called me to this. Wondered if I wasn't doing a good enough job. But then, something happened. I can't explain what exactly. But then this week, Eyerusalem and I bonded over a pair of slippers. She loves to crochet. She is really good at having an idea in her head, and creating that idea with her hands. I am definitely not a crocheter, and I don't even feel like I am a visionary like she is. Somehow though, together, we managed to help her figure out how to make a pair of slippers. Sure, she made plenty of mistakes along the way. She got frustrated and wanted to give up. But then I would give her a new idea, and she would get inspired all over again to finish the job. And she did! She made herself a pair of slippers! She was so excited, and she thought I was the one who told her how to do it! The funny thing is though, she is the one that did it. All I did was talk her through it.
So, I guess I am learning what my role to a preteen is. I am not supposed to do it for her, or even tell her what to do. I am just supposed to guide her, and help her learn how to make her own decisions. Sure, she'll make mistakes along the way, but that's all part of growing up. I think the change in my heart, is that I WANT to be there for her when she makes those mistakes, to be that someone she can come to and talk it through. I finally feel like my life is starting to find normal with all SIX of my kids:)!
Monday, August 20, 2012
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Trauma of a toddler
Many days will go by now when we hardly remember that three of our kids spent almost a year in an orphanage. It is not something that we dwell on, even though the effects of it will rear their ugly heads every now and then.
Sundays are always hard for us. Very hard. It is not easy getting everyone out the door by 8:15 am so that we can get to church. It is even harder when often I, Adam, don't get off work until 8am some Sundays. We are often gone all day, doing church activities and thus have a need to bring at least breakfast for the road, a picnic lunch and sometimes sandwiches for dinner as well, causing hours of preparation. I won't even get into the shower and hair situation that develops every Sunday morning with 5 girls:)
Yosef has a very hard time going into the toddler class. We knew that he would, and that he would spend many Sundays hanging out with us. So this last Sunday I was walking the hallways with him for 45 minutes just hanging out. He was carrying around his baby doll. (Yes a baby doll, remember all those sisters?) He actually uses it as a chew toy. He was following me wherever I went, giving high-fives to those that passed by. He was peaceful, happy and content.
I asked him if he was ready to go to his class. He said, "yes." So we walked back down the halls to his class. We got to the door and I asked him if he wanted to go in and play, and again he said, "yes."
It was as I opened the door and he entered the room that things instantly changed for him.
That baby doll that he had been holding close to his chest, became a weapon. He used it to swing around as far as he could reach. He wasn't trying to hit anyone in particular but definitely was creating a space for himself. If any other kid wanted to come close to him they would get into "his" space and thus get hit by the doll. It was an instinctive protection that he has developed. It was something that I saw many children do over and over again in the orphanage. It was hard to watch, as I remember watching him do the same thing back in Addis. He didn't want to play with anyone, he wanted to be left alone. However, he plays well with many other kids including his 3 year old sister all the time without exhibiting the same behavior. As he played in the room, with me sitting right there, there was a fear in his eyes. You could see it. I am not sure that I will take him back into the room.
To him, the room is an orphanage.
To everyone else, the room is a fun, brightly painted toddler room with lots of toys for kids to play with.
He sees many kids running around with a couple of nannies there to help, and a need to protect himself.
Everyone else sees a good ratio of caring staff taking great care of all the kids while the parents are in church.
To Yosef, it is chaos. It is a reminder of his orphaned childhood. It is where people pick you up to change your diaper, and feed you but otherwise leave you to fend for yourself.
It is better not to continually dwell on the past, but sometimes it is a good reminder of the trauma that he has endured as we try to lovingly raise him.
Sundays are always hard for us. Very hard. It is not easy getting everyone out the door by 8:15 am so that we can get to church. It is even harder when often I, Adam, don't get off work until 8am some Sundays. We are often gone all day, doing church activities and thus have a need to bring at least breakfast for the road, a picnic lunch and sometimes sandwiches for dinner as well, causing hours of preparation. I won't even get into the shower and hair situation that develops every Sunday morning with 5 girls:)
Yosef has a very hard time going into the toddler class. We knew that he would, and that he would spend many Sundays hanging out with us. So this last Sunday I was walking the hallways with him for 45 minutes just hanging out. He was carrying around his baby doll. (Yes a baby doll, remember all those sisters?) He actually uses it as a chew toy. He was following me wherever I went, giving high-fives to those that passed by. He was peaceful, happy and content.
I asked him if he was ready to go to his class. He said, "yes." So we walked back down the halls to his class. We got to the door and I asked him if he wanted to go in and play, and again he said, "yes."
It was as I opened the door and he entered the room that things instantly changed for him.
That baby doll that he had been holding close to his chest, became a weapon. He used it to swing around as far as he could reach. He wasn't trying to hit anyone in particular but definitely was creating a space for himself. If any other kid wanted to come close to him they would get into "his" space and thus get hit by the doll. It was an instinctive protection that he has developed. It was something that I saw many children do over and over again in the orphanage. It was hard to watch, as I remember watching him do the same thing back in Addis. He didn't want to play with anyone, he wanted to be left alone. However, he plays well with many other kids including his 3 year old sister all the time without exhibiting the same behavior. As he played in the room, with me sitting right there, there was a fear in his eyes. You could see it. I am not sure that I will take him back into the room.
To him, the room is an orphanage.
To everyone else, the room is a fun, brightly painted toddler room with lots of toys for kids to play with.
He sees many kids running around with a couple of nannies there to help, and a need to protect himself.
Everyone else sees a good ratio of caring staff taking great care of all the kids while the parents are in church.
To Yosef, it is chaos. It is a reminder of his orphaned childhood. It is where people pick you up to change your diaper, and feed you but otherwise leave you to fend for yourself.
It is better not to continually dwell on the past, but sometimes it is a good reminder of the trauma that he has endured as we try to lovingly raise him.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Making Progress
It is crazy that we have been home for over three months now. The time is flying and just doesn't seem to slow down. This last month has been full of kids birthday's. Eyerus turned 12, Mahlet turned 8 and Capri turned 3.
The kids are all doing really well, considering they have only been apart of our family for a few months now. We are progressing like we would have expected. Their English skills are improving daily. Mahlet has almost forgotten all of her Amharic. We hosted a friend for dinner a week ago from Addis Ababa and he was trying to converse with her, but she couldn't remember many words. I would like them to be able to retain Amharic, but with her inability to read and write it, and her refusal to try and speak it to Eyerus, she is losing it quick. Eyerusalem had learned how to read and write it so we have her reading her Bible in Amharic with the hopes that she will be able to retain it.
We have had a few challenging days lately that reminded us of the hardships that our kids have endured and that there is still a lot of adjusting and healing that needs to take place. However, the hard days are becoming less and less frequent and good days are taking their places. It has been an adjustment for all of us as we learn to be a family together. I have spend some time this morning looking back on some home videos from ET and reminiscing our time there. One of the things that is glaringly different now compared to only a few months ago is the posture and attitudes that our kids have. They now stand tall, are proud, and have smiles plastered across their faces (most of the time.)
It is so awesome to see the change in their lives right before us.
Both Eyerus and Mahlet have now learned how to swim and going to be like fishes before the summer is over.
God is good. He continues to provide for us.
It was awesome to meet with our friend from Addis last week. Heather and I continue to miss ET and our friends there. I hope that some day we can get back. The pastor from the church we were apart of in Addis posted some pictures recently of hundreds of street kids being fed, inside the little property of the church. It was awesome to see the church going strong, and ministering to the people there. I miss being able to worship with our brothers and sisters in another language. It is an experience that everyone should have at some point.
The kids are all doing really well, considering they have only been apart of our family for a few months now. We are progressing like we would have expected. Their English skills are improving daily. Mahlet has almost forgotten all of her Amharic. We hosted a friend for dinner a week ago from Addis Ababa and he was trying to converse with her, but she couldn't remember many words. I would like them to be able to retain Amharic, but with her inability to read and write it, and her refusal to try and speak it to Eyerus, she is losing it quick. Eyerusalem had learned how to read and write it so we have her reading her Bible in Amharic with the hopes that she will be able to retain it.
We have had a few challenging days lately that reminded us of the hardships that our kids have endured and that there is still a lot of adjusting and healing that needs to take place. However, the hard days are becoming less and less frequent and good days are taking their places. It has been an adjustment for all of us as we learn to be a family together. I have spend some time this morning looking back on some home videos from ET and reminiscing our time there. One of the things that is glaringly different now compared to only a few months ago is the posture and attitudes that our kids have. They now stand tall, are proud, and have smiles plastered across their faces (most of the time.)
It is so awesome to see the change in their lives right before us.
Both Eyerus and Mahlet have now learned how to swim and going to be like fishes before the summer is over.
God is good. He continues to provide for us.
It was awesome to meet with our friend from Addis last week. Heather and I continue to miss ET and our friends there. I hope that some day we can get back. The pastor from the church we were apart of in Addis posted some pictures recently of hundreds of street kids being fed, inside the little property of the church. It was awesome to see the church going strong, and ministering to the people there. I miss being able to worship with our brothers and sisters in another language. It is an experience that everyone should have at some point.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
2 months now! What?
Tonight, Heather is out for a much needed girls night. So, I Adam had the kids since this afternoon. It went really well. It is not the first time, but by far the easiest. The difference was Yosef.
A couple of hours ago, I gave him a bottle, put on his pajamas and laid him in bed. Awake. With Capri in the same room. Awake. About 20 minutes later, both were sound asleep. If you don't grasp how awesome that feat is then you must re-read it:) No really. This is Yosef coming so far along. For the first month and a half he had to be strapped to Heather's back, walked around while she cleaned for about an hour to two hours. Then, sometimes, hours after the other kids were asleep, he might fall asleep still strapped to her back. I would not ever really be able to do it. If we put him in the crib to let him cry it out, (like our other 3 kids) a look of terror would come across his face and the screaming would start, keeping us from doing that. He would be completely scared to death. Scared that he was being left again. Now, he is no longer as scared. He starts to have a little whimper of a cry, just to check that we are still around, we tell him to go to sleep and then he quiets down again, confident that we are in the next room still. Tonight, his momma is gone and it was I who gave him the confidence to be able to sleep. He knows that momma is coming home, and he knows that I am his dad. This too has not happened overnight. For weeks, he really did not like me at all. And to be fully open and transparent, I did not like him either. I know, it is really awful to say and I realize that. It is however, the ugly truth of adoption. Adoption is not this blissful thing. It is ugly, yet beautiful. Before going to ET I wasn't sure how adoption could be ugly. Now I know. The ugliness comes from seeing the insides of my thoughts and attitudes.
When I come home from work now, Yosef is one of the first ones to run to the door to greet me, give me a hug and tell me that he loves me. :) It is getting beautiful.
Mahlet is doing amazing. She is progressing well in school. She loves it and works hard at it. She always has a smile on her face. I love seeing a smile on a face of a child that months ago, could not ever muster up a smile. She is a great helper around the house. She does a lot of the cleaning and she is the one that hangs up most of our laundry now. We can now laugh about the attitude that she gave us in the first month we had custody of her. Yesterday, we asked her if she remembered how awful she was to us? She did. We tell her that she has gotten SO much better and is so much easier to have around. She is fitting into the family like she has always been a part of it.
Eyerusalem is progressing as well. School is going much better with her than it was in Ethiopia. Most of the time she puts effort into it. Her English skills are improving and she is learning tons. She really has learned her role as sister to Yosef instead of Mom. She is really doing well with that. Yesterday, was the first day that Eyerus actually gave me a "real" hug. I had to ask for it and initiate it, but it was the first time that she put her arms around me and showed me that she can hug. Eyerus turns 12 tomorrow and with that makes her an official pre-teen bringing all the drama with it:) I am not sure that I could ever really be ready for it. For her birthday we got her a pet lamb about a week ago. She is going to raise it for a pet and for wool so that she can knit with it. She is super excited and is out working with the lamb and goats daily. It is nice to have a good helper outside. We tease Eyerus about the attitude that she had in Ethiopia as well and she laughs along with us. She is going to try out for a part in the kids musical at church this week and we are excited that she and Mahlet gets to do this.
We are blessed by how well things are going. We are super busy, and probably always will be. Somethings just don't get done anymore. God is Good. Thanks for the continued prayers for our family. Thanks for all of those that have come along side of us in this journey.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
One month home!
Wow! I can't believe that it was only one month ago that we were landing at the SFO airport, dog tired, trying to hold things together for just a little bit longer. Towing 6 kids along, over thousands of miles, a couple of layovers, and 20 hours of flying, I had done really, really well. That is until the end. There was a one hour delay in Frankfurt that we knew would cause our trip to be one hour too long. Sure enough, we were right. The last hour was just bad. It started when one of our children waited until our lunch (the fourth lunch in the same day) came that she told me she had to go pee. I had just asked her minutes before. When we were in the bathroom, one of our other daughters spilt my and her food. It was pasta. With marinara. All over my seat and the ground. I covered it up with one of the free blankets and just figured that the airline was stupid to feed a child red pasta while flying. By the time that we landed, I think that 3 of our children were crying. Full blown crying. Some jerk and his family cut in front of us in immigration, making us the very last ones there. Yosef had a BAD poopy diaper, yet we can't just bypass immigration. It took 45 minutes for the officials to process all of our paperwork, while the kids tried to sit quietly on the floor. By the time we got to our baggage, all 10 of our bags were sitting on the side of the conveyer belt together and were the only bags in site. The place was very empty. We all had to go to the bathroom by this point. (Remember the diaper and the red pasta incident.) While the kids were going to the bathroom, Heather was somehow able to help all of them change and brush their teeth, to try to get rid of that "we've been traveling for a day and a half" kind of smell. I put all of our bags on 2 carts, it was like I was constructing the great pyramids. It was a thing of beauty, perfectly balanced, with all of our kids carry-ons, tied to the sides. Two carts, one for me, and one for Heather, to eliminate the kids fighting over who gets to crash it into people. We were all trying to put on our happy faces, trying to hide the fact that we were tired, grumpy, hungry and ready to be home. It was at this point that the customs officer directed us the the conveyer belt for ALL of our bags to be X-rayed. Now, I have never had to X-ray my bags on my way home, they just ask a few questions and sent you right around the machines, out to freedom. I just looked at him, as we were the only ones around. I stared blankly at him and said, "Really! Really! You are going to make me disassemble all of these bags and put them through that stupid machine with all of my kids here?" Well, yes he was. Twenty minutes later, knowing that our family might not even be waiting outside anymore, I quickly reconstructed my luggage pyramid. I moved 5 feet and then it all came crashing to the ground! It was at this point that I lost it. I am not proud of the way that I acted and I am not proud of the attitude that developed at this point.
I tell this story, for a couple of reasons. One, because now that it is over I can laugh at it. Two, because there have been many instances like this one over the last month that I am just not proud of.
I know that God is using these difficult times to work on me. To draw me closer to Him. It is in these times that I have to fully rely on God. I have to give Him my problems, and stress and let Him work through me. I don't have enough patience for our kids right now. But, God does. He gives it to me. I don't have enough grace for our kids right now. But, God does. He gives that to me as well. I have repeatedly failed, miserably at times. However, God continues to give me the energy and the patience and the love that I need for all of our children. It is right when I really need it that He reminds me of the past that our kids have had. The past that I would not ever wish for anyone. The past that involves losing their parents and having to be adopted. Getting taken away from their own country, culture, language, foods and getting plopped into the overly abundant material world of the silicon valley. I remember why Christ led us to them in the first place.
This month has had many ups and downs. Many tantrums, by all of the kids. Many laughs and giggles and excitement from them as well. We are all adjusting to our new normal. It feels normal now having 6 kids. When one or two kids are napping or outside, it feels too easy. We are learning more and more about our 3 new kids. They are getting more and more used to us. Yosef, is probably the hardest one that is going to attach to us and is a few months behind in the process than his sisters. Attachment is a process. It takes time. It is difficult, very difficult at times. It takes a conscious decision to choose love. The kind of love that only comes from the Holy Spirit. It doesn't come from within me. I know. There have been too many times that it is just not there.
How would I sum up this month. Progress. We are making progress, trying to do the best that we can. We are giving everything that we've got right now. Each night, after the kids are in bed (early) we crash. We wind down so that we can do it all again tomorrow. I wouldn't ask for anything else. I love our new normal. I love our new family of 8. I love seeing how Christ is working in us.
I tell this story, for a couple of reasons. One, because now that it is over I can laugh at it. Two, because there have been many instances like this one over the last month that I am just not proud of.
I know that God is using these difficult times to work on me. To draw me closer to Him. It is in these times that I have to fully rely on God. I have to give Him my problems, and stress and let Him work through me. I don't have enough patience for our kids right now. But, God does. He gives it to me. I don't have enough grace for our kids right now. But, God does. He gives that to me as well. I have repeatedly failed, miserably at times. However, God continues to give me the energy and the patience and the love that I need for all of our children. It is right when I really need it that He reminds me of the past that our kids have had. The past that I would not ever wish for anyone. The past that involves losing their parents and having to be adopted. Getting taken away from their own country, culture, language, foods and getting plopped into the overly abundant material world of the silicon valley. I remember why Christ led us to them in the first place.
This month has had many ups and downs. Many tantrums, by all of the kids. Many laughs and giggles and excitement from them as well. We are all adjusting to our new normal. It feels normal now having 6 kids. When one or two kids are napping or outside, it feels too easy. We are learning more and more about our 3 new kids. They are getting more and more used to us. Yosef, is probably the hardest one that is going to attach to us and is a few months behind in the process than his sisters. Attachment is a process. It takes time. It is difficult, very difficult at times. It takes a conscious decision to choose love. The kind of love that only comes from the Holy Spirit. It doesn't come from within me. I know. There have been too many times that it is just not there.
How would I sum up this month. Progress. We are making progress, trying to do the best that we can. We are giving everything that we've got right now. Each night, after the kids are in bed (early) we crash. We wind down so that we can do it all again tomorrow. I wouldn't ask for anything else. I love our new normal. I love our new family of 8. I love seeing how Christ is working in us.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Two weeks home already!
Day one started out at 6am which was really better than expected. We took the kids to Costco that day. We tried to prepare them for it as we described what it was like. They asked us if it was bigger than the Shoa Supermarket in Addis? Which is big by ET standards but barely bigger than most truck stops along the highway. We laughed and told them to just wait. There have been a lot of wide eyes and tons and tons of questions. I have to continually remind myself that the questions really aren't because they are trying to be annoying but really because they don't know what an RV is or what a Home Depot is.
We took them on a trip to San Francisco and went to the zoo, the Golden Gate bridge and Pier 39. They were fine in the big city, and were amazed at the street performers. It was also their first time to see the beach and play in the sand. One of our girls got her shoes wet as she wasn't quick enough to get away from the wave coming at her. Some things you just have to learn on your own.
We re-started school at home on Monday. We took a couple weeks spring break while we traveled and adjusted. However, our girls were getting so bored at home that they kept asking us to start school:) We kept telling them that it was our spring break as well and they needed to go and play outside. I think that it was a good thing for them to get bored and want to be doing school again as it was getting very difficult to get it done with good attitudes in ET.
Eyerusalem learned how to ride a bike by the 2nd day that we were home. Mahlet has learned how to ride one as well, but is afraid at this point to let me take off the training wheels. Yosef is now very comfortable in our house and runs around causing havoc everywhere he goes.
We have overcome many food issues! This is awesome, since with six kids we really can't be Burger King and give it to them their way everyday. About a week ago, Mahlet still would not even taste her slow-cooked chicken, drenched in BBQ sauce that sat on her plate. So I finally said, "Okay, what kind of dessert will it take? What do you want bad enough that you are willing to put 2 bites of that chicken in your mouth and eat it without throwing it back up?" Ice cream with chocolate syrup it was! She literally has gone months with no dessert while the other kids have all gotten stuff, that she just didn't care about. We also have constantly told her that the meat here in the US is different than the meat in ET. (It is... mostly.) She has now eaten chicken and pork! She is still the last one at the table, but at least she is eating it. Yesterday, we all got tired of waiting for her that we got up, finished the dishes and she was still eating!
We also have used the same argument with Eyerus. She claims that her b-day is on Sept. 29th, which would make her 12. However, her birth certificate is for June 7th, which makes her still 11. We are going to keep her young for as long as possible, so we aren't going to change it. As she often argued about it, (for sure, she is a pre-teen) I told her that it must be because they use a different calendar in ET than we do in the US, so we are both right:) So 11 she will remain, at least for a few more months.
We have also seen a huge improvement over the last 3 months in their English. It is really encouraging to see. Yosef has about a 20 word English vocabulary now as well. Though he still grunts and screams for everything he wants.
The kids went to the dentist today. I have not heard yet how that went, but my guess is not good. Really, really, really not good. It is a shame the sugar and the sodas that are given to kids in an orphanage. Especially without dental care, it is just ruining the kids teeth. I really think that the gifts that are given to the kids for a short term smile really cause a lot more damage than people realize. I do mean all the gifts, but that is for another day.
When we went to ET we did not think that we would have been there for 4 months, but I am so glad that we stayed. Had we known that it would be that long, we probably would have thought that staying was out of the question, but it was so, so worth it. We had a great time staying there. We stayed at the Ethiopia Guest House and they took great care of us. I would highly recommend it to any adoptive families going to ET. The staff there is amazing and really has become our friends. We definitely felt at home.
We have started to find our new normal. That normal is LOUD, and CRAZY but it is normal now. The other day, we only had the "old" three girls playing inside. Yosef was napping, and the older girls were out riding bikes. Heather and I both thought, "this used to be hard????" It just feels normal now for us to count 6 kids everywhere we go, and for everyone to do a double take and then say, "you have your hands full." Someone asked me how we do it, my reply was, "I have learned to count quicker:)"
Truthfully, God and His sovereign grace is abounding on us. He is giving us patience and love more so than we ever could have thought. We really did not experience much jet lag. Things are going along well. We still have our share of issues, though the tantrums don't last as long as they used to. Yosef is starting to let me hold him a little without screaming the entire time. We are starting to have a much better time between him and I. He has never had a father figure around, or even a male figure. All his nannies were women and it is really hard for him to get used to having a male around. It is understandable, but difficult.
As we started school yesterday, I laid out the rules for our kids. Rule #1 is that we glorify God in ALL that we do. We want our kids to get an education that is well rounded and that is focused on what is truly important.
I have been reflecting on this whole process and I am amazed as I look back and see ALL the ways that the Holy Spirit has been working. He has been leading us, keeping us focused on the Almighty God and living our lives in a way that brings Him glory. The Holy Spirit is still leading our lives, He is still directing us. Our story is not yet over.... I look forward to where He leads us next.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
How should we give?
I have been wrestling with the idea of giving a lot lately. I am not sure that I have really landed anywhere, but I really question how we as a family give things away now. Being in ET has really brought the question to the forefront on numerous occasions for us.
There are three books that have really changed my philosophy on giving lately. I read, "When Helping Hurts," a while ago and I am currently reading, "Toxic Charity." Both of these really question the way that I have done things in the past. Also, I am continually reading the Bible, which address giving on numerous different levels.
Giving should help and empower. However, often it doesn't do that. Also, as Christians our giving should really have a focus on furthering God's kingdom.
I think that one of the best ways to accomplish this is by supporting and giving to different missionaries that are working on the front lines, spreading the Gospel and helping communities more holistically.
Another way of giving is by supporting peoples real businesses. Though it has cost us a ton to stay here in ET for so long, one of the things that makes it easier to swallow the cost is knowing where the money is going. By staying in this guest house we are supporting, 2 guards, 2 cooks, 2 cleaners, 3 receptionists. We also have supported a driver fairly often. As we go to the local markets and bakeries and fruit stands we are helping support the community in real ways, by purchasing things from them locally. I know that one of our guards used to rummage through the garbage dump prior to getting this job. I love knowing that I am helping support a secure job that helps his daughter go to school and have enough food to eat. Paying for this guest house is one of the best ways we can support and get to know people on a longer basis.
I don't like hand-outs. The hard part is knowing when to give to someone asking and when not to. It is not always wise to help sustain someones begging. I guess that is where we have to pray for wisdom and guidance on how to handle the different situations.
Like I said, I really haven't landed anywhere. It is a question that keeps confronting me lately though and has been on my mind a lot.
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