One of, if not the hardest thing that we have dealt with in our adoption of two older girls has been entitlement issues. (The other top two issues have been school issues and food issues.) I think that it is so hard for Heather and I to deal with as we just don't really understand it all. So, I have been reflecting on entitlement.
How is it that our girls who came from an orphanage without even their own pair of clothes and just a half full backpack of random items, (such as a 1/2 deck of cards and a few pictures) can now demand SO much. They each had a suitcase of items waiting for them at our guesthouse upon their arrival, including a pair of new shoes. Now, every time we walk past a shoe store we are bombarded with questions about why we won't go and buy them 5 more pairs of shoes! They feel entitled to more. We have given them everything for nothing in return. Nothing that they have done deserves the gifts that they have received, the love that they have been given and the opportunities that will await them. We choose them anyway.
We know not to expect our new kids to feel thankful or grateful, but it is incredibly difficult when you feel like you have now given them more than they need and yet still they are not satisfied with it. They demand more. They might say thank you in the moment, but the moment is fleeting.
I really could go on and on about different entitlement issues that we have dealt with. Trust me, it has been a HUGE issue.
However, I have come to realize that as difficult as it is to deal with, we are ALL guilty of feeling entitled. We feel entitled to:
The right to peace.
The right to prosperity.
Our civil rights.
The right to fast internet.
The right to freedom of speech.
The right to worship how and whom we want.
The right to three meals a day. (at nice places)
The right to take a nice vacation.
The right to buy the newest phones.
The right to have the bigger house.
Etc, etc, etc, etc.
We (myself included) feel so entitled to many, many things. Many of these issues come up and have to be dealt with when you are in a foreign land with a different culture.
As a follower of Christ I have to continually remind myself that I am not entitled to these things. I need to continually re-evaluate my priorities and what is important in my life. I have to often remind myself that I am not entitled to receive any of these things. There is nothing that I have, nor nothing that I can do that earns or deserves the love of Christ. Yet, He lavishly pours it out on me.
Titus 3:4-7
"(4)But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Saviour appeared, (5) he saved us, NOT because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to HIS own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, (6) whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Saviour, (7) so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life."
I have done NOTHING to earn his grace, nothing!
I am entitled to NOTHING!
I pray that I can remember this, and that I can teach my children it as well:)
yes. totally agree. I tend to get frustrated with patriotic Christian people or politicians who seem to be always fighting to keep our "rights" when Jesus clearly modeled for us to SURRENDER OUR RIGHTS. I can't help but wonder if your newly adopted kids see the seemingly limitless wealth of Americans (because we are all filthy rich compared to most of the world) and wonder - why NOT buy more and more? After all, you're obviously all living like kings and queens! I also tend to think that since some of our children are still unbelievers, they are in bondage to sin and at the mercy of their desires and Satan's attack all day long. we probably shouldn't EXPECT any different from them, right? Why of course, you are gluttonous, greedy, prideful, etc etc. You are not YET a child of God and do not YET have His Holy Spirit to empower you to have humility and self-control! Praying the Lord gives you peace as you parent with wisdom and lots of grace!
ReplyDeleteOh - one more thing - I think we generally have the misconception that just because someone is poor that they must not worship money. But actually, no matter what your financial status, you can idolize money! I'm guessing that many many impoverished people believe that if they were just able to have a little bit more that their emptiness, intense cravings, and discontent would go away. But getting more does not satisfy - it just intensifies their grasping - like clutching to a lifeline they have always trusted to save them and now they feel slipping away. My guess is that your new kids are grappling with a subconscious fear that everything they pinned their happiness on was just a phantom. Keep trying to communicate to them that JESUS is their only source of true and lasting happiness - not money, parents, siblings, stuff, etc. PRAYING!!!
ReplyDeleteYes, yes, and yes! We agree with everything you have written, and have experienced the same emotions in regard to our two little fellows. It has been a fight, but 10 months into it now and things are getting better. We're going to have to get together when you are back in CA!
ReplyDeleteAlison & the Grants